Wednesday, June 30, 2010



By Ryan ONeil

Malloy reaches out with his leathery paw of a hand and pulls open the locker door. The rush of fresh air is like a small piece of heaven. You breathe deeply and then deftly leap from within the confines of the locker surprising Malloy. Although he is old and the forces of simulated Earth gravity pull at his aging body, his tense muscles ripple like slabs of cut gray marble.

Hoisting your shirt up over your head, you swing it in frantic circles like a drunken football fan cheering on your favorite team. The knot on your head pounds worse than the worst hangover headache you've ever experienced.

“Where’s the party, Captain?” You sing out in your best Elvis Presley impersonation.

“What the hell are you doing in there?” Malloy shouts as his nakedness steps sternly in your direction.

His grizzled, bulbous nose is now only a few uncomfortable inches from yours. His breath smells much like his soiled undergarments, and it's a smell that will haunt your dreams for the rest of your life, however long – or short – that may be.

“Huh, funny story Captain,” you say, and audibly gulp.

Your hands fumble first with your belt and then with your zipper until you feel your pants loosen. With your hands at your sides you hook your thumbs inside of your underwear and push everything way south of your hips. Stepping out of your clothes you use your left foot to flick the pile behind you. You slowly begin to shake your hips to the rhythm of a long forgotten song that echoes in the vast chasm of your pounding head. “Dance with me Captain. Dance with me.”

“Oh, we’re gonna dance, sweet thing.” He replies. “We’re gonna dance.”

The last thing that you remember seeing is Captain Malloy’s gray sledgehammer-like fist as it smashes solidly into the bridge of your nose. “Boom, boom, boom and out go the lights.” Malloy sings.

Everything in your world goes black.

There is no sight.

There is no sound.

But weird, you can still smell those soiled undergarments…



  1. Not sure which is worse, stripping for the guy, being smashed in the face or those dirty skivvies!

  2. Our man ryan touched on all of them, and wrote the stripping part with some nice detail...

    Which makes me wonder.

  3. This is exactly how I wanted it written if my choice had won the vote. Nice one, Ryan.

  4. "Dance with me Captain. Dance with me."

    Now that's a great visual. Incidentally, does anyone else have the urge to get naked and dance?

    "Confront Malloy naked" was my choice, of the the three, and I like where that would have led me.

  5. Thank you all for the great comments!

    Scott- I'd rather get punched in the face then confront those skivvies!

    Steve- So, I was a didn't seem to mind before. By the way, AWESOME graphics you've created! Can I put it on my FB page?

    James- Thanks :)

    Tomara- Glad you enjoyed it :)

    Nandyekle- Thank you :)

    LOTNorm- Incidentally, I was naked and dancing when I wrote it :)