It’s been too long, hasn’t it? You thought we’d forgotten you, right? Wrong. Season 4 is nearly upon us. The only thing left to do is for you, our adoring and long-suffering (not to mention patient) fans and readers to pick the story you want us to
Read through the following story lines and then pick your favourite. It’s as simple as making cupcakes from play-dough. We’ve all done this, right? Right?
Polls close at the end of the week. Be nice.
1. You wake, your face stuck to the salt encrusted wooden floor. You spit a putrid rag out of your mouth and your stomach lurches until you realise that the whole floor has rolled and you are in the bottom of a ship. A large scrubbing brush lands beside you as a gruff voice chases away any doubt that you are nowhere near the seaside pub you'd been staying at. "Look lively lad. Welcome aboard the Eternal. Captain’s waiting for you and the other volunteers." With laughter ringing in your ears, you stumble up the stairs to join a huddle of bewildered youths, no doubt press ganged in the same way you had been.
2. After being injected with a super steroid, Cows become self-aware, rise up against their human oppressors and raise an army of vegetarians to subdue and enslave carnivores. You are a member of a rebel faction fighting back against your bovine overlords. Moo!
3. You are the newest debutante author on the block. Your books about domination and submission have given you world-wide fame. Women around the world are buying your books at phenomenal rate. Only a woman could understand women this well, then the truth comes out....you are a man.
4. It finally happened. You knew it was going to happen. Everyone knew it was going to happen. It was only a matter of time. Zombies have taken over the world. Maybe not so predictably, these zombies have no interest in devouring human flesh. In fact, they think that's gross. Nope, these zombies want sex. It's all they want and they want it all the time. They also have herpes.
5. After a heavy night of booze, babes and banging, you wake up to find yourself in the middle of a field. This wouldn't normally be a problem, but right above you in the early morning sky is a blood red moon with a second green moon a little way north of it. Sitting up, you realise that the second moon is actually the Earth and you are... where?
6. Early in your career as a young scientist, you created a revolutionary new product that is now used in most homes around the world. You were lucky and retired at a young age, so now you spend most days in bed--plugged into online gaming or B-movie marathons. You're blissfully unaware that people are getting sick around you--developing strange symptoms, acquiring strange tastes--until the media starts blaming you and picketers line up in front of your sparkly mansion. You refuse to answer the phone or peel yourself away from your PS3 to make a comment, but when a home invasion of the weirdest kind makes you see reason, you're forced into a new role. What will it be?
7. You are a top notch investigational reporter and secret agent in 2042. You've been assigned to unearth the programmer responsible for the creation of the robot assassins who have taken out all of the leaders in the solar system and have overthrown the galaxy, placing it into marshal law. Your mission is to uncover the programmer, travel back in time and stop the program algorithm before it is completed in 2013, when all of civilized society is thrown back into the dark ages, before calculators existed!
8. You are driving home from a long and boring week of work. As you stop at a red light, your passenger door opens and a small child slips in, closing and locking the door. They slump into the foot well and look up at you with frightened eyes. "Please help me. They are going to kill me." Before you can react, you hear the rumbling sound of motorbikes as they slowly cruise down between the waiting cars. You shift your briefcase on top of the child's head and stare at the red light hoping it will turn green before the Neanderthal on the Harley stops at your window.
9. You're an aging rock star who switches bodies with a marine biologist who's studying sharks. Since you don't know what you're doing (and you're still a little drunk and high from your last party), you leave the safety of the cage you were in and get in a little trouble.
10. You're a demon working undercover in the 'streets' of Heaven, trying to expose the criminal actions of God and his band of angels."
11. You and your girlfriend have just spent a week cruising around the islands in Thailand. You wake one morning to find that she has completely disappeared from the boat. Her snorkel gear is still wet, but placed carefully in its normal spot. None of her possessions have been moved or taken. You find a note tied to the wheel, simply saying, "Return the Jewels and you'll get her back." You've no idea what it’s taking about.
12. It wasn’t serendipity that brought her into your store naked. She had red hair, big tits and was on a mission. But neither one of you knew it was all about you.
13. You're a 19th century Canadian schoolteacher who finds out there are vampires in the village cemetery. You decide to take on the undead by yourself.
14. You and a friend stand outside an old dilapidated house. Your friend dares you to walk through the house and bring something out to prove you went in. While inside you open the door to a closet and notice an opening to a secret passage. However there is an enormous spider hanging from the doorway, and you have a huge phobia of spiders. Just as you are about to shut the door and move on, a ghost flies at you with burning angry eyes. Do you fight the spider and head for the secret
passage, or do you stand and fight with the ghost?