It’s been too
long, hasn’t it? You thought we’d forgotten you, right? Wrong. Season 4 is
nearly upon us. The only thing left to do is for you, our adoring and
long-suffering (not to mention patient) fans and readers to pick the story you
want us to
write.
Read through the
following story lines and then pick your favourite. It’s as simple as making
cupcakes from play-dough. We’ve all done this, right? Right?
Polls close at
the end of the week. Be nice.
THE CHOICES
1. You wake, your face stuck to the salt encrusted
wooden floor. You spit a putrid rag out of your mouth and your stomach lurches
until you realise that the whole floor has rolled and you are in the bottom of
a ship. A large scrubbing brush lands beside you as a gruff voice chases away
any doubt that you are nowhere near the seaside pub you'd been staying at.
"Look lively lad. Welcome aboard the Eternal. Captain’s waiting for you
and the other volunteers."
With laughter ringing in your ears, you stumble up the stairs to join a
huddle of bewildered youths, no doubt press ganged in the same way you had
been.
2. After being injected with a super
steroid, Cows become self-aware, rise up against their human oppressors and
raise an army of vegetarians to subdue and enslave carnivores. You are a member
of a rebel faction fighting back against your bovine overlords. Moo!
3. You are the
newest debutante author on the block. Your books about domination and submission
have given you world-wide fame. Women around the world are buying your books at
phenomenal rate. Only a woman could understand women this well, then the truth
comes out....you are a man.
4. It finally happened. You knew it was going to happen. Everyone knew it was going to happen. It was only a matter of time. Zombies have taken over the world. Maybe not so predictably, these zombies have no interest in devouring human flesh. In fact, they think that's gross. Nope, these zombies want sex. It's all they want and they want it all the time. They also have herpes.
5. After a heavy night of booze, babes and
banging, you wake up to find yourself in the middle of a field. This wouldn't
normally be a problem, but right above you in the early morning sky is a blood
red moon with a second green moon a little way north of it. Sitting up, you
realise that the second moon is actually the Earth and you are... where?
6. Early in your
career as a young scientist, you created a revolutionary new product that is
now used in most homes around the world. You were lucky and retired at a young
age, so now you spend most days in bed--plugged into online gaming or B-movie
marathons. You're blissfully unaware that people are getting sick around
you--developing strange symptoms, acquiring strange tastes--until the media
starts blaming you and picketers line up in front of your sparkly mansion. You
refuse to answer the phone or peel yourself away from your PS3 to make a
comment, but when a home invasion of the weirdest kind makes you see reason,
you're forced into a new role. What will it be?
7. You are a top
notch investigational reporter and secret agent in 2042. You've been
assigned to unearth the programmer responsible for the creation of the robot
assassins who have taken out all of the leaders in the solar system and have
overthrown the galaxy, placing it into marshal law. Your mission is to
uncover the programmer, travel back in time and stop the program algorithm before it is completed in 2013, when all of civilized society
is thrown back into the dark ages, before calculators existed!
8. You are
driving home from a long and boring week of work. As you stop at a red light,
your passenger door opens and a small child slips in, closing and locking the
door. They slump into the foot well and look up at you with frightened eyes.
"Please help me. They are going to kill me." Before you can
react, you hear the rumbling sound of motorbikes as they slowly cruise down
between the waiting cars. You shift your briefcase on top of the child's head
and stare at the red light hoping it will turn green before the Neanderthal on
the Harley stops at your window.
9. You're an
aging rock star who switches bodies with a marine biologist who's studying sharks.
Since you don't know what you're doing (and you're still a little drunk
and high from your last party), you leave the safety of the cage you were in
and get in a little trouble.
10. You're a demon
working undercover in the 'streets' of Heaven, trying to expose the criminal
actions of God and his band of angels."
11. You and
your girlfriend have just spent a week cruising around the islands in Thailand.
You wake one morning to find that she has completely disappeared from the boat.
Her snorkel gear is still wet, but placed carefully in its normal spot.
None of her possessions have been moved or taken. You find a note tied to
the wheel, simply saying, "Return the Jewels and you'll get her
back." You've no idea what it’s taking about.
12. It wasn’t serendipity
that brought her into your store naked. She had red hair, big tits and was on a
mission. But neither one of you knew it was all about you.
13. You're a 19th
century Canadian schoolteacher who finds out there are vampires in the village
cemetery. You decide to take on the undead by yourself.
14. You and a friend stand
outside an old dilapidated house. Your friend dares you to walk through the
house and bring something out to prove you went in. While inside you open the
door to a closet and notice an opening to a secret passage. However there is an
enormous spider hanging from the doorway, and you have a huge phobia of
spiders. Just as you are about to shut the door and move on, a ghost flies at
you with burning angry eyes. Do you fight the spider and head for the secret
passage, or do you stand and fight with the ghost?
SO VOTE:
